Self Acceptance and Freedom From Guilt

"There is a criterion by which you can judge whether the thoughts

you are thinking and the things you are doing are right for you. 

The criterion is: Have they brought you inner peace?"

-Peace Pilgrim 

We come into this world freely expressing ourselves, and then slowly but surely, our wings get clipped, as we are taught that "this is good", "thas is bad", and if we want to fit into society we need to behave in a particular way or else we may get ostracized. As if that were not enough, many of those who go through some kind of religious upbringing, grow up with additional guilt complexes, because to live up to the ideal presented by a religion, people are often expected to deny and suppress their human nature, their human needs and desires and suppression always creates problems - first mental and emotional, and eventually even physical - because the suppressed energy needs to express in some way.

Every now and then I get emails from young men who were at some point in their lives told that if they want to progress spiritually they should abstain from sex. Instead of experiencing greater inner peace, they have found themselves in the midst of inner hell. When they are abstaining from sex, they are experiencing inner pressure from all the built-up energy that needs some kind of an outlet, and is driving them mad, because no one taught them how to channel this energy in some other constructive way. And when they can't bear the inner pressure any more and succumb to the urge to merge, they end up feeling terribly guilty. And since no matter what they do, they feel worse and worse, some of these young men end up staying in mental hospitals because they don't know how to deal with this inner conflict created by those who were supposed to be helping people and not make them crippled.

Every now and then I get emails from people who keep saying "I don't need any money" or "Who needs money?" and then somewhere along the way, they begin to cry how they need money to go to a dentist, how everything is so expensive, and how they've been cursing some store owners for charging so much money for food or clothes or nutritional supplements or whatever it is that they need. This is most often the case with people who would like to think of themselves as "spiritual", and who have somewhere along the way adopted a belief that "money is unspiritual", that "money is bad", and moreover that if they admit that they need money, they will become somehow "unholy". Spirituality is inclusive.

Being "holy" or "whole" implies inclusiveness. You cannot be and experience yourself as "whole" if you split yourself into bits and pieces and then reject parts of yourself, as if they were not an integral part of you. Being "whole" implies embracing all of your energy, all that you have judged and labeled as "good" and wonderful about you and all that you may have judged and labeled as "bad" or undesirable. All those "good" and "bad" things are just energy.

When you reject parts of yourself because you have labeled them as "bad", your own energy, your own life-force is vested in maintaining those parts, in pushing and suppressing that energy so that you wouldn't be aware of it, so that you wouldn't have to deal with it. You are using your energy to push them away, to hide them from yourself and others, because you don't know what to do with them. When you do this, it creates stress, pressure, inner conflict, anxiety, guilt. It blocks the free flow of energy within you and in time creates mental, emotional and physical problems. It keeps away from you the experience of fully experiencing the joy of life, the experience of feeling an abundance of life-force freely flowing through you, freely expressing through you. When you block the free flow of energy within you, you feel tired, you age faster, you compromise your immune system, and you erect a barrier that prevents many wonderful things coming into your life.

When you embrace all of your parts, when you invite and welcome them, love them and accept them, regardless of how imperfect or undesirable you may have considered them to be, enormous energy becomes liberated within you. With each part that you embrace, you are becoming free of some unnecessary burden, of baggage you have been carrying around, you begin to feel lighter, you can breathe easier, you feel more energized, you can accomplish more things, you have more energy to invest in creating the life you'd enjoy living, you feel good about yourself, you become healthier, and more importantly, you begin to experience inner peace.

When you include and integrate all that is part of you, there is no longer inner conflict, there is no more inner war, there is no more any friction within you that creates stress - there is only sweet peace.

When you look at your life, you may become aware of many things you did or said, that perhaps you wish you did or said in some other way. You may become aware of many errors you made you wish you haven't. You may become aware of all sorts of weaknesses and imperfections. And if you look around you, the great news is - we are all in the same boat. All of us have our own weaknesses and imperfections, all of us have done countless things we may wish we did differently. Have you ever met any perfect human being? I don't think so. It is ludicrous to expect perfection either from yourself or from others. And as long as you are living, and growing and learning new things, you can rest assured that you will make many more errors.

The only thing any of us can do, at any point in time is simply do our very best. If you commit yourself to do your very best and accept and love all those parts of you that may need some polishing, just like one loves a small child, that is still growing and learning, you will live at peace with yourself and with the world. If you are aware of your own weaknesses and imperfections when you notice them in other people, you may have more compassion, toward yourself and toward other people.

If you embrace and accept your human nature, even while you are unfolding spiritually, if you let yourself be, instead of indulging in feelings of guilt, you will also lose the temptation to point fingers at others, you will let them be. People who tell others "you should be ashamed of this or that", are those who are burdened and tormented with feelngs of guilt, hoping that if they can make someone else feel guilty, they could feel better about themselves, but they never do, until they learn to accept themselves just the way they are.

When you fully and completely accept yourself, then it won't matter what anyone else says or thinks about you, because you will be at peace with yourself. If you have accepted all that you have judged as "good" and "bad" about you and someone says that something you did was "bad", you can acknowledge that you could've done better, love yourself just the way you are, and if you feel that you need to change something about you, change when you are ready. You can take whatever action is appropriate without ever crucifying yourself for the errors you made. You can simply correct the errors that you can, move on with your life and keep on doing your best.

So, if you like take some time to welcome all those aspects of yourself that have thought, said or did things you may not feel so good or proud of. Embrace them as if they were your own little children. Call back any parts of you that you feel ashamed of, any parts of you that make you feel guilty, and embrace them. And as you do, you may become aware that they are transforming and dissolving into pure energy and you are feeling more and more alive, free, expanded, happy and at peace. As you accept and love all of you, all that is part of your being and your life, you may discover that you have opened the door to miracles and many wonderful surprises.